I forgot....for a minute.....(actually it was much longer).
I forgot that all is well.
I forgot that I am loved beyond measure, that the Universe always has my back and is always conspiring for my good.
I forgot that I was right where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing, to get where I needed to be.
And it sucked.
It was a perfect storm of challenges -- not all bad, but challenging nonetheless. And lots and lots of F.E.A.R. (forgetting everything's all right).
Challenge number one: As you know, I have changed careers and am working in real estate. (I still write, just not full time). The learning curve has been steep and, at times, overwhelming. I'm still learning, but I have some experience under my belt now so it's not completely foreign. But for awhile, I felt panicky about the amount to learn (and whether I ever would learn it) and pressured to learn it (and FAST!) so I could bring in an income.
Challenge number two: I weaned myself off the antidepressants I was taking because I didn't like them. As they say on TV....DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!! I thought I could manage with yoga and meditation (which I didn't do regularly enough to make any difference). I was wrong. I am now happily, gratefully, back on drugs....just different ones.
Challenge number three: I don't know about your part of the world, but Texas was hit pretty hard by the flu this year. I got sick right after Christmas -- yucky upper respiratory gunk. I physically couldn't smoke cigarettes. I know.....wah. But I've been a smoker off and on since I was 12 and, honestly, I love it. I fully accept that there is nothing redeeming about it whatsoever, but I love it anyway. Still, it's bad for me (obviously) and I had been wanting to quit (sorta). I decided to take advantage of the hiatus and quit, once and for all. I haven't smoked since (yay!), but that doesn't mean that quitting smoking, especially during this rocky period, was a walk in the park (for me or anyone around me).
Add challenges one through three together, throw in some communication challenges with The Husband, and I was ready to jump off a bridge (not literally, but I was definitely NOT a happy camper). Throw in some negativity, awful self-talk, and lots of fear and self-pity, and I was a hot mess.
There is good news, which will appear in the next post.
Have you had one those times where EVERYTHING sucks? How much of it was self-imposed? How much of it was out of your control?
Have you been there?