Monday, April 14, 2014

The Darkness aka Forgetting Everything's All Right

I forgot....for a minute.....(actually it was much longer).

I forgot that all is well. 

I forgot that I am loved beyond measure, that the Universe always has my back and is always conspiring for my good.

I forgot that I was right where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing, to get where I needed to be.

And it sucked.

It was a perfect storm of challenges -- not all bad, but challenging nonetheless. And lots and lots of F.E.A.R. (forgetting everything's all right).

Challenge number one: As you know, I have changed careers and am working in real estate. (I still write, just not full time). The learning curve has been steep and, at times, overwhelming. I'm still learning, but I have some experience under my belt now so it's not completely foreign. But for awhile, I felt panicky about the amount to learn (and whether I ever would learn it) and pressured to learn it (and FAST!) so I could bring in an income.

Challenge number two: I weaned myself off the antidepressants I was taking because I didn't like them. As they say on TV....DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!! I thought I could manage with yoga and meditation (which I didn't do regularly enough to make any difference). I was wrong. I am now happily, gratefully, back on drugs....just different ones.

Challenge number three: I don't know about your part of the world, but Texas was hit pretty hard by the flu this year. I got sick right after Christmas -- yucky upper respiratory gunk. I physically couldn't smoke cigarettes. I know.....wah. But I've been a smoker off and on since I was 12 and, honestly, I love it. I fully accept that there is nothing redeeming about it whatsoever, but I love it anyway. Still, it's bad for me (obviously) and I had been wanting to quit (sorta). I decided to take advantage of the hiatus and quit, once and for all. I haven't smoked since (yay!), but that doesn't mean that quitting smoking, especially during this rocky period, was a walk in the park (for me or anyone around me).

Add challenges one through three together, throw in some communication challenges with The Husband, and I was ready to jump off a bridge (not literally, but I was definitely NOT a happy camper). Throw in some negativity, awful self-talk, and lots of fear and self-pity, and I was a hot mess.

There is good news, which will appear in the next post.

Have you had one those times where EVERYTHING sucks? How much of it was self-imposed? How much of it was out of your control?

Have you been there?

1 comment:

  1. I've been there. As a single mom, I don't really have time to stay there long- so even when my mind says 'this sucks' I am plowing through it, because the alternative (of not plowing through it) doesn't feel like it exists until my children are on their own. Not very spiritual, but sometimes that sole reason is my motivation to keep centering when I otherwise would be joining you in "jumping off the bridge". From such a space, when I have moved through it a bit, I then go back to find the light and remember who I am/what I am made of. I am looking forward to reading your "good news" article!


Yes! I've been there, Claire!