Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Once upon a time, there was a child. She was sweet and pretty and funny and trusting. She trusted that the sun would rise in the morning, that she would wear dresses that twirled, and, at Thanksgiving, she would enjoy sweet potatoes with marshmallows toasted on top.

One day, she was outside, happily playing hopscotch on a warm summer day. A friend stopped  by and the young girl noticed a big, ugly brown wart with a black hair growing out of it on her nose. Yuck! The friend said, "I've been looking for you. I need to give you something."

The child was excited because she liked presents. The friend took the wart off her own nose and placed it on the tip of the girl's nose, which confused and frightened her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"This is yours," said the friend. "I've had it for awhile, but I want to share it with you."

The child was doubtful, but she didn't want to appear rude or ungrateful, so she accepted it. She trusted her friend and didn't believe the friend would harm her intentionally. She kept the wart and it became a part of her. But it changed the way she saw herself. Instead of believing she was sweet and pretty and funny, she now saw herself as flawed. But she quickly grew used to it.

A few months later, the child picked daisies in a field, and watched as a neighbor approached her. He wore thick black-rimmed glasses that distorted his eyes when she looked at him. He said, "Here, these glasses are for you. I've had them for awhile, but I wanted to share them with you."

He placed the glasses on her face. They were too big, and she wasn't sure she wanted them, but they seemed to fit in with the wart, so she kept them on. As she looked through her new glasses, it changed the way she saw the world around her. It wasn't quite as sunny, colorful or  friendly as it was before. Although her view had changed, she trusted what she saw.

Some time later, the girl, who was no longer a child, played solitaire quietly on the porch. She saw a boy she liked coming up the walk. The boy had enormous, misshapen ears. Something told the girl that the ears didn't look right, but she decided that the glasses were the problem instead. The boy said, "Take these ears. I've had them for awhile and wanted to share them with you." The girl liked the boy and wanted him to like her, too; she took the ears and replaced her own with them. The songbirds sounded like cackling crows, and the church bells banged with an unpleasant clatter. But the ears were now hers, and she relied on the new noises.

Later, she was alone in her room and heard a knock at the door. Her cousin entered, wrapped in a shawl made of coarse, scratchy material. The cousin handed the girl the shawl saying, "I want to share this shawl with you." The girl placed the shawl around her shoulders. It was uncomfortable and heavy. She felt as unrefined and offensive as the shawl, but she wore it, confident it was hers.

For years, the girl believed the perceptions that came with the gifts. The wart looked ugly, so the girl believed she was ugly. The glasses and ears provided information that was untrue or inaccurate, but they had become a part of her reality. The shawl made her feel flawed -- far from the truth -- but she wore the shawl constantly, and the feelings and perceptions became normal.

One day, the girl walked down the street, head lowered and eyes following the ground. She realized she was nearing a friend she had known all her life. She tried to avoid the woman and would have disappeared if it had been in her power. The friend stopped her with a big smile on her face and love in her eyes, for she knew the soul that lived beneath the acquired accessories.

"I'm so glad to see you!" the woman exclaimed. "But I hardly recognized you. You didn't have that wart long ago....or the glasses and ears. And why are you covered with such an uncomfortable shawl?"

The girl looked confused. "But I've had these things with me for a very long time. Aren't they mine?"

"No. I remember you as a very small child. You were beautiful with a glowing smile and bright eyes. In fact, I can show you."

The woman pulled a faded picture out of her pocket. The girl looked at the photo of herself and realized the woman was right. There was no wart, no ears or glasses, no shawl..... The girl wept as she looked back on her life, and the decisions and actions that were based on her faulty perceptions.

"What can I do?" she asked.

"You must give these things back. They aren't yours and they never have been. You took them because you didn't know what else to do; no one told you these things didn't belong to you. You need to return them to their rightful owners."

So, one by one, the girl returned the items. She gave the shawl to her cousin. "This was never meant for me. It's yours." As the shawl left her shoulders, the girl felt lighter, as if a great weight had been lifted. 

Next she found the boy who gave her the ears. "I am returning these, and all the lies and dissonance that accompany them." Soon, she was able to hear the truth instead of what she thought she wanted to hear. She could, once again, trust what she heard.

She spoke with the neighbor who owned the glasses. "These are yours; I want you to have them, and all the unreliable sights that go with them." Once the glasses were gone, she was able to see the truth, and she trusted what she saw.

When she came across the friend who gave her the wart, she said, "This wasn't meant for me. It and all the ugly feelings, are yours." The girl could finally see herself as she truly was....not ugly and flawed, but perfect.....just as she was.

This was her truth.

And she trusted it.

Have you taken on someone else's "gifts" as your own? If so, how did they "show up" in your life? How did you recognize these "gifts" for what they really were?

Have you been there?

Hitting the Wall

She stood there, just looking at the wall. It was monstrous...solid...black...ugly...and it stretched as far as she could see. She knew where she had been -- the dark places and experiences behind her. She didn't want to go back there! It had been a difficult journey at times, full of desolate valleys, craggy mountains, treacherous rivers, dangerous forests, and dark, scary corners. But she made it this far -- with the help of kind, caring souls along the way. She had come too far to turn back and needed to press on, but now this!


There's got to be a way, she thought. She turned to her left, walking next to the wall, on and on for days. It was exhausting, but it had to end somewhere, right? She spotted a sign posted on the wall, hoping it contained some direction or guidance.


The sign read: STOP! To continue in this direction is useless. Go back and try again.


Frustrated, she returned to her starting point. At least she knew going left wouldn't work; she turned to her right instead, following along the wall for days. Once again, she came across a sign: STOP! To continue in this direction is useless. Go back and try again.


Now she knew going to the right wasn't the answer either. She returned to her starting place, armed with new information.


Upon her return, she found a shovel. Maybe I can dig underneath it, she thought. She dug until her hands blistered; she was dirty and sweaty from the hard work. She saw the edge of a sign and uncovered it. STOP! To continue in this direction is useless. Go back and try again. She was tired, frustrated, angry and confused. Her options diminished with each failed attempt. She thought about quitting, but decided to rest before beginning again.


She awoke from her respite, feeling rejuvenated. A ladder was propped against the wall next to her. That's it! I can climb over the wall! She ascended with new enthusiasm, certain of her path. She climbed higher and higher until she could no longer see her starting place. On the wall, she found a sign: STOP! To continue in this direction is useless. Go back and try again.


She wanted to scream! She tried left. She tried right. She dug underneath, and climbed up. What other ways were there for her to try? She felt hopeless as she descended the ladder. She had all this information about the things that didn't work, but the remedy, the antidote, the solution, the path eluded her. Nothing made sense anymore.


When she reached the bottom, she found herself surrounded by balloons. Each balloon, all different and unique, had a word written on it as well as a string attached for her to hold. She grabbed a balloon nearby and pulled it closer to read the word. The first word was Tears.


That's odd, she thought, but as she held the balloon, long-buried feelings welled up in her and spilled out in the form of tears. After the tears, she felt better....relieved, and ready to move on. The second balloon was inscribed with Willingness. She had certainly demonstrated her willingness! Left! Right! Down! Up! What was next?


The next two balloons were connected: Strength and Courage. She realized from the beginning she would need both in equal parts for the rest of her journey. The fifth balloon had the word Grief written on it. The feelings returned: sadness, fear and shame. They weren't all hers, but she had to feel them before she could reach the next balloon.


Ahhh....this one would help.....Perseverance. She was encouraged to continue. Next came Hope. She couldn't have reached this one without the others before it. She could see how they were all linked....in the perfect order.....arriving at the perfect time.


It took longer to reach for the next balloon. She didn't grasp it as readily or easily as the others. So much of her journey had blocked it from her, but as soon as she could, she grabbed onto Self-Love and held it tightly against her. Once she possessed that one, she didn't want to let it go. Forgiveness followed closely behind. She was able to look back over her journey to see that she needed to make all those stops, cross all those rivers, and climb all those mountains to get to this place. She needed to go left and right, up and down to become who she was. And even those who had hurt her along the way had a part in the creation of who she way today. Because Self-Love came before Forgiveness, she was able to let those people and old hurts go.


The last balloon was Acceptance. With this one she was able to accept herself, all of her, her past and her present exactly as they were. She knew it was all a gift.


She stood next to the wall, holding her balloons, enjoying the peace and serenity that came with them. She saw a tiny sign on the wall that was previously undetected. The sign said: The only way out is through.


She held onto her balloons and stepped through the wall to freedom.


Have you struggled with an issue, trying to find a solution? Have you been frustrated by failed attempts to understand or "fix" it? Sometimes, you have too much information to go back, but not enough to move forward. It may be that the only way out is through.


Have you been there?

A Story of Forgiveness

Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, a Plain rested on layers and layers of rock. In the spring, beautiful wildflowers danced in the breeze on the Plain, and she served as shelter for small animals that burrowed into her. A wide river divided her in half, but she didn't mind because the water sustained the animals.

As time went on, the River cut deeper and deeper into the Plain. Sometimes there were floods and the water crashed through the river banks, taking the shore with it. This hurt the Plain and she would cry out, "Why are you crashing through me, taking more and more of me with you? Even on calm days you chip away at my sides. Why?"

The River replied, "It's my job. It's all I know. It is what I was destined to do. It has a purpose."

As time passed, the surrounding elements seemed to toy with the Plain. Big rains swelled the River, taking rocks and soil with it. Snow and ice caused the rocks to contract as if to shrink from the cold.  Summer heat expanded the rocks as they soaked up warmth from the sun. Expansion and contraction created cracks and broken places. Rain shifted the soil or washed it away completely.

And the Plain said, "Weather, why do you treat me so harshly? Parts of me are broken and hurting because of you. Why?"

And the Weather said, "It's my job. It's all I know. It is what I was destined to do. It has a purpose."

By now, the River and Weather created deep crevasses in the Plain, widening the gaps between the river banks. The Wind played a part as well, blowing in the cracks and crevasses, racing around stones, next to walls, shaping holes, columns and caves. The Wind blew constantly taking pieces of the Plain....a little here, a little there.

And the Plain asked, "Wind -- why are you destroying me, bit by bit? And why do you continue this process day and night? I'm afraid there will be nothing left when you're finished. Why are you so relentless?"

The Wind replied, "It's my job. It's all I know. It is what I was destined to do. It has a purpose."

Hundreds of years passed. The River, Weather and Wind continued their mission, reshaping, challenging and transforming the Plain. There were times when the process was barely noticeable. The Plain exclaimed in surprise, "Look, that crack is a little deeper. I wonder when that happened?" Other times, progress was quite painful, with everyone working on her at once. The River crashed wildly against the banks, taking large chunks downstream. Weather sent cold, rain, heat, snow, hail. The Wind whipped through her relentlessly, spinning dirt and whirling it away.

At times, when she was beaten simultaneously by the pounding River, the merciless Weather and the thrashing Wind, the Plain cried out for it to stop. Sometimes they tried to be gentle with her, but they had a job to do. It was all they knew. It was their destiny. It had a purpose.

After many years, the Plain saw what she had become. She saw how the River, Weather and Wind worked together. Their actions revealed layers of colors and textures. Beautiful caves and columns were sculpted for all to see. The course of the River changed, creating exciting rapids and waterfalls.

The Plain realized she had grown from a simple grassland to a vibrant, colorful canyon. She saw that the Weather, Wind and River changed her into a marvelous new creation. She realized it had been for a purpose. She understood that only she, with her unique structure, could have formed such a beautiful place. All of them together -- the River, Weather, Wind and the Plain -- had a part. One was no more responsible than the other. They all had a job to do. They all had a purpose. Through this process, the Plain evolved into something unique and wondrous. When she accepted this, she could forgive, not only the elements, but herself as well, for each was responsible. It was their job. It was all they knew. And she was grateful.

Have you been in a difficult situation, wondering why it happened? Have you felt like a victim? Were you able to discern the purpose? Could you accept that it had a purpose and that good came out of it?

Have you been there?

The Tug-of-War

"It's mine!" the Child said, tugging and pulling on the Cherished Object. "It's mine and you can't have it."

In the Child's eyes, the Cherished Object was beautiful -- smooth and shiny without any flaws. Thin strings on her wrist connected her to the Cherished Object. They would have been easy to break but she had no desire to do so. She knew that, although she loved it, she somehow needed it too.

And the Voice said, "You may have it until you have had it long enough and are ready to leave it behind. I love you and I'm willing to take it, but first you must let it go. I won't fight you for it."

So the Child took the Cherished Object away, fully satisfied that she had won what she so desperately and rightfully wanted.


"It's mine!" the Child said. "It's mine and you can't have it!"

And the Voice said, " You may have it until you have had it long enough and are ready to leave it behind. I love you and I'm willing to take it, but first you must let it go. I won't fight you for it."

She looked at her Cherished Object. She had it for a while and, although it was somewhat tarnished and bent, she still wanted it. She loved it so much that she felt lonely and scared without it.

The Others said, "You don't really need it, and you probably don't even love it as much as you think you do. Why don't you find a different one -- one that serves you better?"

The thin strings grew thicker and stronger, but still breakable. Still she had no desire to do so. And the Child wouldn't listen.


"It's mine!" the Child said. "It's mine and you can't have it!"

She looked at her Cherished Object. It was worn with age and broken in several places. The sharp edges cut her fingers and hands until they bled. But the more the Child thought about life without the Cherished Object, the more tightly she clung to it. The thin rope had evolved into thick iron shackles that bruised her wrists.

The Others said, "Look how it hurts you and makes you bleed when you cling to it so tightly. Surely you don't want it anymore."

The Child listened but could not hear; Fear and Abandonment wrapped their cloaks around her. They covered her eyes so she could not see the broken places, her ears so she could not hear the warnings, and her heart so she could not feel the pain.

And the Voice said, " You may have it until you have had it long enough and are ready to leave it behind. I love you and I'm willing to take it, but first you must let it go. I won't fight you for it."


"It's mine," said the Child, unsure of herself, but stubborn. This time, in attempting to convince the Voice and the Others, she also tried to convince herself.

The Child looked at the Object. It had changed into an unrecognizable, putrid mess. It was dangerous for her...it had the power to kill. Maybe not all at once, but certainly bits and pieces of her in a long, tortuous, painful process. The Others gathered around her in a circle of Love and removed the cloak of Fear and Abandonment. The Child could see the broken places, hear the warnings, and feel the pain.

And the Voice said,  "My Child, I have loved you enough to let you have your way, even though it caused you pain. If you will let me, I will free you from this burden and soothe your pain. You are my Precious Child and I want the best for you. But I cannot place my gifts in your hands until they are open and empty, ready and willing to receive."

The Child said meekly, "Yes, I am ready."

As she uttered the words, the shackles fell from her wrists. She looked at the Cherished Object with sadness and relief, dropped it, and walked away.



This is a fable I wrote when I was having a difficult time with surrendering something I did NOT want to let go of. Do you find surrender a challenge? Have you had something you knew was bad for you, but wanted it anyway?  Have you been there?

The Leap is the Thing

A  girl happened upon a cliff one day. She had heard stories of a cliff, passed down through the generations. Her mother and grandmother told her about it, but dared not go themselves. They said that the beauty of it was hidden beneath the clouds, but it was rumored to be an amazing place full of peace and serenity. There were soaring mountains, exciting waterfalls, and flowering meadows. Every kind of tree and flower flourished, and there was an abundance of wonderful things to eat. All needs were filled.

The girl remembered these stories as she peered over the side. Magnificent clouds blocked her view. Soft pinks, blues and greens billowed around her. She thought this must be a place of magic and beauty. Doubt crept up behind her and said, "Girl, don't jump in there. Even though it looks wonderful, there are probably briers and sharps thorns waiting for you below the clouds. I doubt you have the skills necessary to thrash through your obstacles. Don't do it."

Years passed and the girl became a young woman. One day, she came upon the same cliff. The rainbow-colored clouds glowed with a golden light. The wind offered glorious odors -- indescribable fragrances she never encountered before. Again, she wanted to see what was below the clouds; the colors and smells enticed her. Fear stood beside her and warned, "Don't do it! I promise, you'll regret it! There might be wild animals with sharp teeth and claws waiting to kill you. This is not the place for you." The young  woman felt Fear's icy fingers on her shoulder and she shuddered as she left the cliff.

As the woman grew older, she learned many lessons and truths, about herself and others. Lessons that made her strong and gave her courage. Her truth lived inside her and was as real to her as a hug from a trusted friend. She searched for the cliff, struggling to find the path. Fear and Doubt followed her, but at a distance. At times, she could barely see them at all. Yet, she persevered until she came to the place she had been before. A glance over the side proved that nothing had changed the beauty or allure. Ethereal music swelled  and filled her spirit.

Faith appeared and stood quietly beside her. The woman looked at her, surprised. "I have been to this cliff before and wanted to descend. Where were you then?"

Faith spoke: "I've been here all along, but you couldn't see me. Fear and Doubt followed you everywhere, and you allowed it. Until now...."

The woman stood taller and felt a growing resolve within her.

"But...," the woman began.

Faith held up her hand to quiet the woman, then continued. "The leap is the thing. Take me with you and trust. You will either land on solid ground, or be given the wings with which to fly."

The woman closed her eyes, imagining the delights that lay before her, and joined hands with Faith.

And she leapt.

I wrote this spiritual fable fifteen years ago. I was struggling with -- you guessed it! --  Fear and Doubt -- and writing helped me work shit out. I still have fear and doubt today, which is why this year's theme is COURAGE. I have scads of both surrounding this blog alone (any of my writing, actually)! Am I wasting my time? Do I  have something to say? Does anybody really even give a shit??? If you do, follow me, like me, tell your friends, call, send flowers -- something -- so that I can know I'm loved and appreciated. Actually that's a joke, sort of, because I truly believe I have to get those "props" from within myself; I'll always be disappointed if I expect it (especially MY way) from other humans. Lady and Duchess, however, are ever-flowing fountains of unconditional love and acceptance. Which is why I have dogs in the first place. Screw security and companionship. Gimme some looooooove!

Still, wouldn't it be great if I could really ask for crap like that, in person, face-to-face, without wanting to puke? More fear and doubt (although not as intrusive as Fear and Doubt).

I (sorta) can here since I don't know some of my followers (thank you for the validation, by the way!). 

I'm better than I was, certainly, but obviously still struggling with fear and doubt. I came by some of it honestly -- passed down by older generations (especially Depression Era seniors. I once knew a lovely woman who had more money than God and a nine carat diamond ring, and re-used cocktails napkins. That's fear, not frugality, my friends. There's a difference!). Some of my fears and doubts were lovingly hand-made, crafted over a lifetime of people-pleasing and negative self-talk. Some fears (especially the ancient ones that have been growing within me for years!) return over and over again until I am courageous enough to face them. Today, I do my level best to walk in Faith, certain of the truth that my God loves me and wants only the best for me. And when fear and doubt rear their ugly heads, I beat them back, relying on the experience I have gained by looking for the positive in every situation, by acknowledging my fears, and doing whatever-it-is ANYWAY.

Take faith with you and LEAP!

Do you struggle with these two nemesises (nemises? nemisi?)...enemies? Sorry. Apparently I'm channeling Porky Pig. Back to the questions: What, specifically, do you struggle with that holds you back from achieving your highest and best? And, more importantly, what can you do differently to combat it? When was the last time you faced your fears and moved forward in spite of them?

Have you been there?