- Hot flashes and night sweats
- Vaginal dryness/loss of libido
- Mood swings and sudden tears (probably grieving the vaginal dryness/loss of libido)
- Fatigue (uh....insomnia....duh!)
- Difficulty concentrating, memory loss
- Incontinence due to sneezing or laughter. Look at this list so far -- is that shit funny to you?? Soooo the incontinence is just a sneezing thing.....
- Sudden bouts of bloat -- and we know where that leads
- Increase in allergies -- yay it's Spring!
- Change in body or breath odor
OK...I have to stop now. It's just too fucking depressing (oh, yeah....that's a symptom, too). This is the complete list...or a list of thirty-four symptoms, which is plenty! I have enough trouble with the ten I listed.
But there's an upside to all of this. I have finally found a way to use this oh-so-adorable hormonal change to my advantage. All you sweet young things, take notes! It's brilliant, I tell you! Brilliant!
I may be 54, but I'm a hip, slick and cool 54. I ride a motorcycle, for cryin' out loud! I also like a variety of music. "Blame It" by Jamie Foxx gave me an idea. In the song, he's seducing a woman by telling her she can blame it on the a-a-alcohol.
I'd prefer to be seduced by Andrew Marvell than a-a-alcohol. Just sayin'.
But I digress....
Here's my plan. Whenever I do something stupid, I'll just blame it on the men-men-menopause!
Like a couple of days ago.... The Husband and I got out on the bikes. It was a gorgeous day -- sunny and 72ish. We rode to TMPCTEL's house. To see him, of course. If we got a glimpse of his parents, that would be OK too. In my exuberance, I inadvertently left my lights on. And the battery died. Was it because I was irresponsible? A bad bike owner? No way! See #6 and blame it on the men-men-menopause!
Haven't bathed or brushed your teeth in days? It's not bad hygiene, it's #10! Blame it on the men-men-menopause!
Pee yourself? Obviously, #7 AND #9. A double whammy! Blame it on the men-men-menopause!
Brilliant! I have an excuse for everything now. So if you see some random crazy woman, who stinks and wet her pants, and has no clue what she's doing, but is singing, "Blame it on the men-men-menopause!," stop me and say hi! I'd love to meet you!
Have you experienced the marvelousness of menopause? Have you found a way to use it to your advantage?
Have you been there?