Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Crinkles and Rays

I'm at that age....a sort of in-between age, or as Mame put it, "somewhere between forty and death." There are aspects of my 50-something life that I adore! Like the fact that I just don't give a shit about stuff like I used to. Aaahhhhhh......the freedom from worry and fear and "what will the neighbors think?" and "what if 'they' don't like it?" and all the other bullshit that keeps me from living a life of joy. My way. What other people think of me is none of my business. 

It jus' don't matter.

I've decided there's some other stuff that jus' don't matter.....

Like this 54 year old grandmother riding a motorcycle. (Yes, I wear a helmet with lots of sparklies on it!)

Like my tattoos. Yes, plural. (I'll tell you all about 'em in another post...promise.)

Like feeling 20-something on the inside and finding a 50-something in the mirror instead.

Like crinkles and rays. (Trust me, you're gonna think this is BRILLIANT! Except for those of you who won't get it....and that's just sad for both of us. It's sad for you because you are too young and pretty to understand. But you will.....eventually. Bwahahaha!  Sad for me because I could do wonders with your body and my....uh....body of knowledge. Just sayin'.)

Crinkles are those lovely laugh lines that make your eyes look all sparkly and alive (and doesn't it sound cuter than wrinkles? Besides, that's what a crinkle is: a cute wrinkle). I'm not much of a make-up gal (OK, I'll tell you this much....my first "tattoo" was permanent make-up; I have tattooed eye-liner). A little mascara and maybe lip gloss is my norm (if I bother at all). But I don't think that the beauty of a woman's face is determined by her make-up; it's in her eyes. I have a friend who has gorgeous, sparkly, smiling eyes -- with or without make-up. And a big part of her beauty is her crinkles.

On to rays.....I know some women who are absolutely STUNNING with gray hair. Think Helen Mirren, Jamie Lee Curtis, Meryl Streep and Ellen Burstyn. Me? Not so much. I may not be fond of my version of gray hair, but I'm really tired of coloring it. There are a couple of issues with this. The most obvious one is the stop dyeing and growing out part. It's not so bad in the front, but the back is a different story. And, you can check out my picture to see that my hair is shoulder-length (longer, really) and it'll take years to grow out the dyed part (no, I can't cut it short....not if I want to stay married.....which I do). UGH! That has been my downfall in the past. My hair would grow out so far and it would look like crap and I'd give in and head to Walgreen's for more dye. But no longer because I've changed my grays to rays!

Work with me here, people....

According to dictionary.com, rays are "a slight indication esp. of something anticipated or hoped for." I love the connotation of optimism in that definition. The synonyms are even better: glimmer, gleam, shimmer and sparkle. And who doesn't want to sparkle? So I have decided to declare, since I am the Queen of my life, and can do whatever the fuck I want, that I do NOT have gray hairs; I have RAY hairs. My rationalization is that I love my life and anticipate wonderful, glorious times ahead and I'm gonna sparkle and gleam and shimmer the entire way! Those hairs are just rays of hope reaching out in joyful anticipation, waiting to see what comes next. (OK....the picture in my head as I write this looks a lot like Carrot Top or Don King or Albert Einstein  which is NOT what I want to see -- and certainly not what I want you to see.  Too late? OK. Fuck it. This is MY rationalization so just go with it! I'm trying to psych myself into this going gray thing by making it sound all cool and fun, when I know it's really not, but I don't want to be dyeing my hair when I'm 80. I mean, who'd believe an 80 year old is really a light golden brown with a touch of red for subtle highlights?)

Bottom line? Crinkles and rays? I love 'em!

Have you found ways to deal with the inevitability of aging (not you sweet young things.....this question is directed to those of a certain age)? Have you found a non-ugly way to grow out dyed hair? Do tell!

Have you been there?