|photo by David Shankbone|
This move to Colorado has always been a part of the deal when I married The Husband. There are worse places to move, right? Besides, this past week was really, really fucking cold....-6 with a chill factor of -21. And it snowed. Needless to say, I didn't drive. With one or two amendments to my wardrobe (like shoes.....I had Toms and flat soled boots. What was I thinking?!?), I survived the frigid temps. It gradually "warmed" up....like, to freezing. I surprised myself by strolling around like a native in a long-sleeved shirt when it got into the 40's. I did have a 24 hour bout with some kind of nastiness, but it gave The Husband a chance to visit with old friends all by himself (probably best for all involved).
I have something to discuss with you, but first you need some background information. I'm a Texas girl, born and raised. I've lived here all my life, primarily in Fort Worth. I spent three years in San Antonio while in boarding school (yeah, I'll spill the beans on that adventure sooooooon, I promise) and in Austin at UT (Go, 'Horns!). I live in Saginaw (NW Tarrant County) which is practically on the other side of the world, according to my father and The Assembly. Oh, them? Yeah....another post (but you can get the gist here and here). My father's reaction when I moved to Saginaw (a suburb of Fort Worth, mind you)? He called my brother (the mob boss) and said, wistfully, "Well, she's gone." Truth. Like I had moved to Outer Mongolia!
But I digress.....
Suffice it to say, I've been in the area a looooong time. My family is here....people I've known since kindergarten.....the home I grew up in.
And, geez, moving to Colorado......well, that's one of the places people dream about. It's gorgeous (duh), dog-friendly, healthy lifestyle, and I could get back into skiing, something I enjoyed....uh.....maybe, like, thirty years ago..... I'll start off on the bunny slopes, just to get my ski legs back. All in all, a truly fabulous place to live.
But I gotta be honest; I'm not feeling a connection. I don't feel drawn to move there. Certainly there will be opportunities for connection once we get there: church, service activities, neighbors, fellow motorcyclists.
Yes, I'm looking forward to the change, in spite of the fact that it's foreign territory. I think/hope/would like to think I'm flexible....resilient...adaptable. There's some excitement in the newness and anticipation. But it doesn't feel like home. TH meant to spend more time introducing me to the different areas around Denver in the foothills (next time!), so hopefully one of those spots will hit home (hell yes, I meant it that way).
And other than simply spending more time there, I'm not sure what else I can do to get my heart aligned with my head. Any and all suggestions welcome.
Have you faced a change you weren't "feeling"? How did you find that pre-connection?
Have you been there?