Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Vaya con Dios, Princess!

The Princess Is heading back home. She misses her peeps. This is my good-bye letter to her.........

You told me that you like quotes to use in different situations. I wanted to share some of my favorites (and maybe explain them a little)……

Would I rather be right or happy? We have talked about this one before, but it’s a good one to ask myself when I’m trying to convince someone I’m right. Generally, I’d rather be happy, so I stop trying to convince them I’m right.

You may be right/I could be wrong/I don’t know. This is sort of the flip side of the first one. When someone is trying to convince ME that I’m wrong about something (even though I KNOW I’m right…..but they can’t hear me),  I use these handy phrases. For example, if someone is absolutely convinced they are right (“the sky is green!”), but I know they’re wrong (”uh…it’s blue….duh….just look at it”), I just say, “You may be right” and drop it. It’s like I’ve taken my ball and gone home. No one can play any more. 

Going to the hardware store looking for bread. Wow. This doesn’t happen very often. In fact, I’ve never found bread when I’m at the hardware store. Sometimes it’s the same with people. Sometimes I have an expectation (aka hopes and wishes)….like I HOPE Tío will remember where his stuff is (I WISH he would, don’t you?). That isn’t going to happen, is it (you know it’s true)? He always loses his phone….or his wallet….or his keys…..  If I expect him to remember his stuff, I’m going to be really disappointed…or angry….or both….most of the time. I can’t expect to get something from him that he can’t give. Sometimes people may really want to be able to give it (whatever “it” is…, truth, time, attention) to you, but they can’t. They just don’t have it in them to give. Just like going to the hardware store looking for bread.

You teach people how to treat you. Guess when I stopped being a doormat?  When I quit acting like one! People would ask me for something (money, a ride, a favor, whatever) and I always said yes. Why? Because I wanted them to like me. Even if it meant that I allowed them to walk all over me. Did you catch that? I allowed them to do it because I always said yes. (Then I got into “victim-mode” or “martyr-mode”  like….look how bad they treat me…..isn’t she mean…..after all I’ve done for her…...). The same is true with someone who lies to you, cheats on you, etc. If you take them back over and over after each time they hurt you, you’re saying, “Yes, that behavior is ok with me.” And, together with this one is the next one……

If your “no’s” don’t mean anything, your “yes’s” don’t either.  If I always say yes….because I want them to like me….or I don’t want them to go away…..or I don’t want to make them mad…..then I’m not being true to myself. I’m telling myself something (their behavior, my treatment) is ok when it really isn’t. If I say yes, I mean YES! But if I say no, I mean no…… I don’t go back on it or give in…..even if they whine or cry or get angry, because every time I do, I’m teaching them that that behavior will work and they’ll get their way. No is a complete sentence. No explanation necessary.

This too shall pass. This is great when I’m in the middle of some real crap. Bad days…..maybe lots of ‘em. Sometimes it seems like the crap goes on FOR. EVER. But it passes…eventually. And sometimes, just remembering that can help me cling to hope until the storm passes. (This is true for the good stuff too…..every day can’t be Christmas and your birthday all in one, right?)

T.H.I.N.K.  This is a good one. Before I say something to someone that may…or may not….be well-received (in other words, it may piss ‘em off), I try to THINK about it. Is it Thoughtful? Honest? Intelligent? Necessary? Kind? T.H.I.N.K. before you speak.

Live and let live. Everyone has a right to live their life their way. They also have the right to be wrong.  And right along with this one…..

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. I don’t have to like something to accept it. If my plane is late, getting upset, and ranting and raving, won’t change anything. The sooner I get to acceptance, the sooner I have peace back in my life. One reason why this is so important is because I’ve tried to change other people for years. It doesn’t work! The only person I can change is ME (remember, put your hand in front of your face). Your job is to take care of all the stuff on your side of your hand (that would be you, sweet girl!). There is one thing more about acceptance: you do NOT have to accept unacceptable behavior. If someone hurts you or threatens you or abuses you in any way, that Is NOT acceptable.

Well, I’m out of colors so that’s probably a good place to stop. I don’t do all these things perfectly all the time. I make lots of mistakes, but I try to learn from them so I don’t repeat them. That requires some honesty with me. I’ve been very good (in the past) about rationalizing my behavior (or someone else’s)….just basically making it ok in my mind. But when I was honest with me….at 2 .m. when no one was around…. in my heart…..I knew the truth. But if I didn’t do something with my new awareness, it didn’t matter if I knew the truth. I had to act on it. Even when it was scary….because it was always scary at first (every new behavior is scary at first; fake it til you make it). I had to become responsible for my choices. When I made someone else responsible for my choices (yeah, but they were late….yeah, but I spent the money on shoes instead….yeah, but….), I made myself into a victim or a martyr. YUCK! Every time I stood up for myself, or bit my tongue when I wanted to lash out, or said “no” when they expected yes, or spoke my truth in love, I got healthier….and happier. As I became healthier, my choices got better. The better my choices, the better the consequences….and the better I felt about myself. It’s one big upward spiral….and, yes, sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back. The point is to just keep moving forward.

I know you’ve had some tough times. Everyone has to one degree or another (even me). I can learn from my past, but I don’t have to live there, and obsess over it. I have to let it go. It’s over and done. My past doesn’t define me. And it definitely doesn’t mean that I have to be the same in the future. I can change. Sometimes I can get back into my past….and the pain… mistakes….regrets…..and feel sorry for myself.  So what? Now what? In other words… what that parts of my past and some of my choices sucked? NOW is all that matters…, what am I going to do about it? I can sit in self-pity, or I can let it go and take a different action….make a different choice. Create a different life. Your beginning doesn’t have to be your end. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got….and so is everyone else. You can’t make it happen, but, as you become ready, it will happen. Trust that the timing will be perfect.

Always remember that you are a precious, unique, perfectly/imperfect, loving and lovable, forgiving/forgiven child of a loving, kind, generous, merciful Supreme Being/Great Spirit/Divine Love/God who loves you and only wants the best for you. If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it. You are never alone or abandoned. You are cherished….completely.

“So, Tía, why all the cute little frogs?” you may ask. F.R.O.G. Fully Relying On God. When you take one step toward God, He/She/It takes ten steps toward you. Keep the faith, sweet girl. I love you!   Tía

Have you experienced a tough "good-bye?" What were your parting words?

Have you been there?


  1. I love the frogs... now I have to go back to the begining and read the words! *ROFLOL*

  2. Brilliant.  Shared, with appreciation.


Yes! I've been there, Claire!