Twenty-five years ago today, I made a decision that changed my life. I finally admitted, in front of God and everybody, that I was (still am!) an alcoholic.
I drank for about fifteen years. Some of us sorta e-a-s-e into alcoholism, progressing from social drinker to heavy drinker, then crossing that invisible line into full-blown alcoholism. I didn't drink every day, but when I drank, I drank. Blackouts, vomiting and shaky hangovers were the norm. I didn't realize until I sobered up that real social drinkers don't drink like that.
Sobriety, in and of itself, doesn't make life all rainbows and roses -- but it helps. Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes I suck at life and make bad choices, but being drunk would only add to the suckiness. In fact, I hit a real emotional bottom in my tenth year. I didn't want to drink, but I wanted to die. By Grace, I did neither.
I've learned so much over the years; I've delved into my dark corners and illuminated my shame, selfishness and shortcomings. I've deciphered the patterns and made amends for past wrongs. It hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it. I didn't do it alone either; I had help -- lots of help. And, of course, it ain't over 'til it's over. I'm still a work in progress; I'll be perfect when I'm dead.
These days, my issues are people-related rather than puke-related, and I find loving support with that, too. My peace and serenity skyrocketed once I seriously began addressing my interpersonal challenges. That part of my journey began seven years ago, and I am incredibly blessed to have these people in my life.
I'm so grateful to those who have counseled me, challenged me, and consoled me willingly, wisely, and without hesitation. And it has happened over and over and over again. I've never felt so unconditionally loved.
The greatest gift of the journey has been a relationship with God. I fired the mean, judgmental, punishing god and replaced it with a wonderfully loving, forgiving, generous and, frankly, hilarious God. I am happy. I am at peace. Life is beyond awesome!
Have you faced any demons? How goes the journey?
Have you been there?